Purrhaps We're Not Over

by: stejay_on_top

A #SteJayAU where Steven and JL are exes sharing custody of their cat-child, Mochi.

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A few minutes later...

The next day...

Naramdaman na agad ni JL na may mali pagpasok niya pa lang sa condo niya.

It was not because anything looked out of place.

The lights were still the same warm yellow he had left on that morning. His shoes were still neatly lined beside the entrance, his bag was still where he had dropped it before rushing out, and the faint scent of the candle he had forgotten to blow out before leaving still lingered somewhere in the air.

Lahat naman ay nasa tamang pwesto.

Well...

Except for the man standing in the middle of his living room.

JL stopped so abruptly that the door nearly swung back into him. Nakahawak pa rin yung kamay niya sa door knob habang tinititigan ang lalaking nakatayo sa gitna ng sala niya.

Steven was standing beside the couch.

And in his arms was Mochi.

Their Mochi.

The white Persian cat was comfortably nestled against Steven’s chest, her round face half-buried beneath Steven’s chin while one of her paws rested lazily against the older man’s shirt.

Steven, however, looked anything but comfortable.

Nakatitig lang siya kay JL.

At sobrang seryoso pa nito.

He was so serious that JL’s first instinct was to check behind him, as if perhaps Steven was not actually looking at him and there was somebody else standing in the hallway.

But there was no one.

Siya lang at si Steven.

And the cat that had somehow become the only thing tying their lives together after they had decided they were better off apart.

JL slowly closed the door behind him.

“Why are you here?”

Hindi agad sumagot si Steven.

Instead, his eyes traveled over JL from head to toe, lingering for a second too long before returning to his face.

Mochi gave a tiny, almost irritated meow.

Steven finally looked down at him.

“Your child missed you.”

JL blinked. “Seriously, bakit ka ba andito?”

Steven looked back at him.

“Ikaw, saan ka galing?”

There was something painfully familiar about the way he said it.

The same possessiveness.

The same certainty.

The same ridiculous little argument they had been having ever since they adopted Mochi.

JL sighed, putting his bag down beside the door.

“You can’t just walk into my condo whenever you feel like it.”

“Eh hindi mo pinapalitan yung code eh.”

“That was before we broke up.”

Steven’s jaw tightened. “I know.”

The room suddenly felt much smaller.

JL looked away first. He hated how easily Steven could still do that to him.

One look, one quiet word, and suddenly, all the walls JL had spent months carefully building around himself started cracking.

He forced himself to walk past him.

“Put Mochi down.”

Steven’s arms tightened slightly around the cat. “No.”

“Steven.”

“She doesn’t want to go.”

“Mochi doesn’t get to decide.”

Mochi meowed, which made JL raised an eyebrow.

Steven glanced down at the cat. “See?”

“Gutom lang yan.”

“She ate already.”

JL stopped. “You fed her na?”

“Yes.”

“How did you know what she wanted?”

Steven looked almost offended. “I know what my child wants.”

“She’s my child too!”

Steven’s expression softened for half a second. Then it hardened again.

“Fine. Our child.”

JL crossed his arms. “Why are you really here?”

Steven stared at him.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Then Steven carefully lowered Mochi onto the couch. The cat immediately curled into the blanket as if the tension between her humans was none of her concern.

Steven took a slow breath. “I saw your story.”

JL’s stomach dropped.

Of course.

That.

Muntik niya nang makalimutan kung gaano ka seloso itong ex niya.

“You mean the one I posted today?”

Steven’s eyebrows drew together.

“The one where you were with a guy.”

JL stared at him for a moment.

Then, despite everything, he almost laughed.

“You’re serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“No, you look like you’re about to file a complaint against me.”

Steven stepped closer. “I don’t like seeing you with other guys.”

JL’s smile disappeared. “You don’t get to say that.”

“I know.”

“You lost that right when you broke up with me.”

“YOU broke up with me.”

Tumahimik si JL matapos sabihin ni Steven yun.

Then, Steven slowly asked, “Why? Bakit ka nakipag-break sakin? Bigyan mo naman ako ng rason.”

“Because you weren’t there.”

Steven’s expression changed. The anger disappeared so quickly that it almost frightened JL more than the anger had.

“I... I’m sorry.”

JL shook his head. “No, you don’t.”

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

His voice cracked.

JL hated that.

He hated how quickly his emotions betrayed him whenever Steven was standing in front of him. He looked away, blinking rapidly.

“It was my younger cousin.”

Steven froze. “What?”

“The guy in the story.” JL turned back to him. “My cousin. He’s younger than me. He came to visit because he was in the city.”

Steven stared. “Yung kasama mo sa post mo?”

“Yes.”

A long silence followed.

Then Steven rubbed both hands over his face.

“Oh my God.”

JL couldn’t help it, a tiny laugh escaped him.

Steven looked at him. “Akala ko ipagpapalit mo na kami ni Mochi.”

Napataas ang kilay ni JL, “Kayo? Bakit? Ano ba kita?”

Steven looked away. “D-Dada naman ako ni Mochi ah!”

“So?”

“So bawal kang magpaligaw sa iba!”

“Aba! Ang kapal ng mukha mo—”

“Nagseselos ako, Jay!”

JL’s laughter disappeared.

Steven’s voice was quieter now. “I was jealous, JL.”

There was no defensiveness in it, and there was no attempt to hide behind pride. It was just pure honesty.

And somehow, that hurt more.

“You had no right to be jealous.”

“I know.”

“You don’t get to be jealous after leaving me alone for months.”

“I didn’t leave you alone.”

JL stared at him.

Steven sighed. “I know how that sounds.”

“It sounds like you don’t understand why we ended.”

“I understand.”

“Then tell me, Steven. Hanggang ngayon litong-lito pa rin ako!”

Steven looked at him.

JL’s eyes were already wet. “Tell me, Steven. Bakit kailangan humantong sa point na kailangan kong bitawan tayo?”

Steven’s lips parted, but nothing came out.

JL laughed bitterly.

“That’s what I thought.” He turned away. “You know that? Gusto mong malaman diba kung bakit ako nakipag-break sayo? Well, I broke up with you because I was tired.”

Steven’s face fell.

“I was tired of waiting for you to come home. I was tired of eating dinner alone. I was tired of sleeping beside an empty space because you were always somewhere else.”

“JL—”

“You were always with Jeongwoo.”

Steven went still.

JL wiped his cheek quickly.

“I know he’s your best friend. I know you love him like a brother. I never wanted to take him away from you. I never wanted to be that boyfriend who tells you who you can spend time with.” His voice trembled. “But there was a point where I started feeling like I was competing with him. Alam kong magkaiba naman kami, pero hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ang sarili ko sa kanya.”

“You weren’t.”

“That’s how it felt. Masisisi mo ba ako?”

Steven took another step forward.

JL shook his head.

“Every time I needed you, you were busy. Every time I wanted to talk, you were out. Every time I asked if we could spend time together, you told me you had something to do with Jeongwoo.”

“I was trying to—”

“I know.” JL laughed softly through his tears. “I know you were busy. I know you had things going on. But I didn’t know what those things were. Hindi mo man lang ako binigyan ng assurance.”

Steven looked at him helplessly.

“And eventually, I thought...” JL’s voice became quieter. “I thought maybe you were happier without me.”

Steven’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

“So I decided to make it easier for you.”

“You broke up with me to make things easier for me?”

JL nodded. “I thought if I left first, you wouldn’t have to choose.”

Steven stared at him. “You idiot.”

JL’s lips trembled. “I know. Ang tanga ko diba? Oo mahal kita pero kailangan ko rin unahin yung sarili ko.”

“You really thought I would choose anyone over you?”

“I didn’t know anymore. Lagi ka na lang wala.”

“I never asked you to leave.”

“You weren’t asking me to stay, either.”

Steven stepped closer until there was barely any space between them.

“Because I thought I was going to surprise you.”

JL frowned. “W-What?”

Steven let out a shaky laugh. “I was going to propose.”

The room went completely silent.

JL stared at him. “What...?”

“I was going to propose to you.” His voice cracked on the last word. Steven looked down, gathering himself before continuing. “Those last few months when I was always with Jeongwoo... I wasn’t avoiding you... or hiding anything from you. Well, technically, I did. But it was because I was going to propose.”

JL could barely breathe. “And Jeongwoo?”

“He was helping me plan everything.” Steven smiled faintly, though tears were now gathering in his eyes. “I didn’t know how to do it. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to surprise you, so I asked Jeongwoo to help me.”

JL’s mouth fell open. “You...”

“I was looking at rings with him.”

JL’s eyes widened.

“We were visiting places. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to ask you. I was even practicing what I was going to say.” Steven laughed softly. “I kept messing it up because Jeongwoo kept making fun of me.”

JL covered his mouth. “No...”

“Yes.”

“No, you can't—” JL’s tears finally fell.

Steven looked at him. “I was planning our future while you were planning how to leave me.”

JL shook his head desperately. “I d-didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”

“I never stopped.”

The words were quiet and simple. But they broke whatever was left of JL’s defenses.

He cried harder. “I was so stupid.”

Steven reached for him, while JL stepped forward at the same time. They collided in the middle of the living room.

Steven wrapped his arms around him so tightly that JL’s face disappeared against his chest.

For months, JL had imagined what it would feel like to be held by him again. He had imagined it would feel unfamiliar.

It didn’t.

It felt like coming home.

Steven pressed his cheek against JL’s hair.

“I missed you, baby.”

JL clutched the back of his shirt. “I missed you too.”

“I hated coming home without you.”

“I hated waking up without you.”

“I kept checking your account.”

“I kept checking yours.”

Steven laughed through his tears.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I thought you were happier.”

“I thought you hated me.”

“I could never hate you.”

Steven pulled back slightly and their eyes met.

There was so much history between them.

Every late-night conversation.

Every stupid argument.

Every kiss.

Every morning they had woken up tangled together.

Every dream they had once made for the future.

And every misunderstanding that had cost them months of being together.

Steven reached up and gently wiped the tears from JL’s cheek.

“I still love you.”

JL’s eyes closed. His forehead rested against Steven’s.

“I still love you too.”

Steven breathed out shakily. “Then can we stop being idiots?”

JL laughed softly. “You’re the idiot.”

“Okay.”

“You’re a bigger idiot.”

“I’ll accept that.”

“You still owe me an explanation for disappearing with Jeongwoo for months.”

“I’ll explain everything.”

“And you’re still not allowed to walk into my condo without telling me.”

Steven smiled. “Can I have the spare key again?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

JL looked at him. “On whether you’re planning to use it to propose again.”

Steven’s smile slowly widened. “Maybe.”

JL’s eyes widened. “Steven.”

“What?”

“You have a ring?”

Steven’s expression turned sheepish. “...Maybe.”

JL stared at him for several seconds hanggang sa napatawa siya. The kind of laugh that Steven had missed more than he was willing to admit.

And just as Steven leaned closer, a loud, offended...

“Meow.”

Napatigil silang dalawa.

Slowly, they looked toward the couch.

Mochi was sitting upright, staring at them. Her fluffy white tail flicked once.

JL burst out laughing.

Steven sighed.

“Your daughter has terrible timing.”

“Our daughter.”

Mochi meowed again.

JL wiped his cheeks.

“I think she’s telling us to stop fighting.”

Tumingin si Steven kay Mochi, bago ibinalik ang tingin kay JL.

“Or maybe she’s hungry.”

“Sabi mo pinakin mo na siya.”

Steven smiled, “Maybe I lied?”

Steven's gaze dropped to JL’s lips.

The laughter slowly faded, and either of them moved for a moment.

Then Steven whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

JL’s heart squeezed as he nodded, “Yes.”

Steven leaned in slowly, giving him every opportunity to change his mind.

JL didn’t.

Their lips met softly at first. As if both of them were afraid that moving too quickly would wake them from whatever impossible dream had brought them back to each other. Then JL’s fingers curled into Steven’s shirt, while Steven’s hand settled against his cheek.

The kiss deepened, carrying everything they hadn't been able to say during those lonely months, the regret, the longing, the love, and the quiet promise that maybe they could try again.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads remained together.

JL smiled through the tears still clinging to his lashes.

“I really thought I lost you.”

Steven brushed his thumb beneath JL’s eye.

“You never did.”

From the couch came another tiny sound.

“Meow.”

They both laughed.

Steven glanced toward Mochi. “Okay, okay. We get it.”

JL smiled. “Napaka-clingy talaga ng anak mo.”

Steven looked at him. “Ganyan ka namin ka mahal.”

JL raised an eyebrow. “Talaga lang ha.”

Steven smiled.

“Talagang talaga.”

And for the first time in months, the word didn’t sound like something they had once had.

It sounded like something they were finally getting back.

—FIN